Well, I certainly had a rough week with guests, work and mid-term papers. I rushed to finish my Horus paper not realizing I had another week. I admit the paper was weak. I never got the soul of it for some reason, and for me that is terrible. If I do anything it has to have some meaning to me and as much as I tried to bridge the world of Horus with the flat world, I don't think I pulled it off.
Horus, why do you elude me? What am I not getting? I feel as if I have not quite risen to his level, to the level of the Pharoah and the Queen. I have not achieved that excellence and that realization in turn made me start thinking negative thoughts about myself. I'm not smart enough; I don't belong in this program, etc. Such negative self-reflection is more a defense to not looking at the shadow side. If the light side of Horus is the regal, the powerful, and the enlightened, then the shadow side is surely the commonplace, the disempowered, and the confused. That pretty much sums up my week. Instead of judging myself, however, I will look to integrating the shadow, cast off parts of myself and embrace them as my teachers as well. Instead of emphasizing the godly and kingly aspects I will try on humility and acceptance. And also pray that Roxy is a benevolent and forgiving professor.
Horus, why do you elude me? What am I not getting? I feel as if I have not quite risen to his level, to the level of the Pharoah and the Queen. I have not achieved that excellence and that realization in turn made me start thinking negative thoughts about myself. I'm not smart enough; I don't belong in this program, etc. Such negative self-reflection is more a defense to not looking at the shadow side. If the light side of Horus is the regal, the powerful, and the enlightened, then the shadow side is surely the commonplace, the disempowered, and the confused. That pretty much sums up my week. Instead of judging myself, however, I will look to integrating the shadow, cast off parts of myself and embrace them as my teachers as well. Instead of emphasizing the godly and kingly aspects I will try on humility and acceptance. And also pray that Roxy is a benevolent and forgiving professor.
2 comments:
If it's any consolation, I had a lot of the same trouble with Raven; given our class' email discussion about the paper earlier, I can't help but wonder if this difficulty was part of the point. It seemed like the paper wasn't a natural fit for anyone, so maybe the idea it see just how far we can stretch the connection.
I know for me I turned it in feeling like it was either a brilliantly creative insight or the biggest pile of BS I've ever written,and I don't know if I'll ever be completely sure which. It's an interesting tension to hold...kinda fits in with this week's reading in Whitmont too.
Modesty is beautiful
Inside secrets of everyone trying to search for up to what it wants
Everyone is clever but the percentage varies from person to person
We are trying to reach results through our intelligence and dreams and aspirations
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